Friday, November 20, 2015

The Dancing Lady

The resident eccentric in my hometown wears headphones and sings while pedaling a yellow bicycle around our busiest streets. 

She's quite famous. 

You can tell because she has a Facebook page devoted to her. 

But it's not for her bicycling skills (even though she's got 'em). No. We call her the Dancing Lady. While most everyone else uses stoplights to check their phones, this woman dismounts her bicycle and throws down some complicated and usually provocative dance moves. Dance moves so suggestive they're impossible not to watch. Parents shield the eyes of their children and others like me try to pick up tips. She's truly a sight to marvel.

With that said, I'd like to share

The Three Things I've Learned Thus Far
from the Dancing Lady

1. Dressing monochromatically works best without a tight-fitting fanny pack.

2. It's okay to sing and laugh alone in public. It's true people will think you're bonkers, but hey, you could get a Facebook page out of it.

3. Traffic laws do not apply if you have everyone's attention so go ahead, bend over to shake your bad thing in the middle of the turning lane while I'm trying to make a right.

Not so Young or Sweet,

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Fielding Questions at the Frame Shop

I know. I know.

It's been a few (hundred) days since my last blog post. Sorry. I've had other $h!# going on in my life.

I now work at a frame shop. Inside a craft store. Have for a while. I enjoy the work. It has gotten me back in touch with art. Turns out I have a knack for critique and, as usual, attracting odd people. So we'll have plenty to discuss here.

For example, recently a woman, petite, bleached blonde and in her thirties, stopped by the frame shop counter and asked me where we keep our clay. It's not uncommon for someone to ask us where something besides framing is in the store because the craft store is full of crafty sort of things. Often it is easier to show someone where a certain thing is rather than try to give directions. Especially the way I give directions. Anyway. She was following me to the clay section and to bridge the gap, to find out what kind of clay she was shopping for (because I'm all about customer service), I asked her "So what are you making?"

"Do you really want to know?" she replied.

I was like "WTF?" and thought "no" before stupidly saying "Yes!"

"I'm going to make myself some teeth," she said.

My footsteps faltered. I turned to look at her. She smiled. I noted her notable deficit of teeth and said, "Okay. We should probably stay away from the air-dry clays."

It took us a good fifteen minutes to choose the right product. I suggested she blend the white and the cream clays together until she arrived at the color she wanted because let's face it, too white of teeth just looks unnatural. She commented several times on how much cheaper polymer clay is than what they charge you at the dentist. I should probably say here that this is in no way an endorsement. I personally would never make myself or anyone I care about fake teeth out of clay found at the craft store but this is America and I defend this poor-choice-making woman's right to free speech.

: )

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Recommended Pages

I clicked on a link to see what pages Facebook thought I might like. Marvel at this...

10 Famous People Recommended (just for me) by Facebook
in ascending order by number of likes

Robert Earl Keen
Jeff Foxworthy
Aretha Franklin
Betty White
John Grisham
Little Debbie
George Strait
Jesus Christ
Michael Buble'

As you can see, my tastes are eclectic.

Malleably yours,

Monday, November 19, 2012

A Link for Your Shopping Pleasure

I'm reluctant to shop online. 

Seems crazy, I know, but there it is. I could say it's because I'm afraid of identity thief or maybe that I'm too much of a tactile person (I have to touch everything). 

The truth is, I tend to procrastinate. If I can't buy it on Christmas Eve at CVS, then, well. And if you don't think a Chia pet is an appropriate Christmas gift, I'm sorry (that you don't understand the whole it's-the-thought-that-counts spirit of the Holiday Season). Where was I? Oh. This year I'm going to make a gift list, in the next day or two, and I'm going to try this eBate thing that Lori has been raving about. Supposedly I can log onto their site which will launch me across cyberspace and into the online store of my choice. By doing so I will get a rebate on my purchase. We'll see.

Here's the link if you want to sign up too*...

Shopping in my pj's this year,

* I will get a kickback if you sign up through this link and make a purchase. Yet, it won't cost you any extra. Another miracle of modern science.

Friday, August 3, 2012

New Favorite Sign

So what if Texas is backwards and the star is about a hundred miles too high, they serve tacos AND hamburgers.


Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Vitamin D

I quit Dr Pepper again on Monday. Mostly. I'm down to one can a day which, for me, is the same thing as quitting.

Most of my carbs and sugars are coming from that one DP. And I'm not feeling right. I'm pretty sure I've been run over by a 4-wheeler and all I can think about is chocolate. Lucky for me I rediscovered my vitamin D soft chews. It feels good to satisfy two needs at once ~ my body's desire for vitamin D and my craving for chocolate.

Just one question. Is it possible to OD on Caltrate? Because I've almost eaten the whole package.

Soft and chewy,

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