Nirvana

Last night after work, Lori took me to the most wonderful place on Earth. It was a place I'd heard of many times. A place where a countless variety of my friends and acquaintances go. A place I was too afraid to go alone.


Sure, I've been to warehouse stores before. I was, at one time, such an elite and valued shopper at Sam's that they called me a 'member'. But I had to stop going to Sam's. Not because they threw me out. No. More because I was having to disguise my bulk purchases as furniture. You know. Tossing a doily over a 48-roll package of toilet paper and calling it an end table or building a room divider out of soup cans.


I thought it was very Martha Stewart. Doolittle said it was white trash. Jerk.


But this Costco place is different. I could feel the difference as soon as I walked in. I think they pump in better oxygen or something. Lori may have been jaded in her shopping. Not me. I savored each moment and fully intend to return there one day.


At long last,
Corky

Grizzly Adams

Last night, on my way home from work, I stopped by the Main for a bottle of wine then went next door to Hastings to grab a magazine. 


After the spider/web incident earlier in the day, I was feeling more defensive than usual of my personal space. All I wanted to do there in Hastings was to get to the magazine rack, choose something senseless like Cosmo or Vogue Knitting and get out. 


But the Universe had a different plan for me.


A gaggle of loud, gray-haired ladies had crowded around the help kiosk and they were blocking my intended path. So. I cut to the right, down an aisle to avoid the mob. There was one burly and bearded man in the aisle looking very intently at a section of books. When he first glanced at me it was with a hint of guilt. Then he smiled and stepped directly into my path.

He didn't look near this good.

We did that little 'mime in a mirror' dance as I tried to pass him. I was mumbling things like 'excuse me' and 'blah blah blah hurry'. He, on the other hand, was tossing out pick up lines. You know like 'we have to stop meeting like this' and 'what's your hurry'. I tensed and felt like the imaginary spider was on me again.


Just then, time froze and I was able to read the spines on the books Grizzly Adams had a been perusing. 


Sex books! *GaG* Erotica! *NaStY* Kama Sutra! *hUm*


Grossed out but still able to run,
Corky


Here's what happened today...

Halloween, A Little Early

It usually takes more than a spiderweb to freak me out.


But today, while minding my own business, an absentminded finger-combing of my hair produced a sticky wad of silk. I looked down at the web in my hand trying to remember if I'd walked under any low beams in a barn or ducked under a bridge or traipsed through a haunted house. 


No.


As I struggled to get the webby gunk off my fingers, I convinced myself it was best to forget the whole troubling thing. Just carry on with my day.


Which was working fine until I started feeling crawlies inside my shirt. And getting itchy in odd spots. That's when I freaked and almost striped down naked right in the middle of the showroom at the classic car museum where I work.


Eww,
Corky

Glass Half Full

Upside to looking like someone's mom...


Buying a kid's meal without scrutiny.


Sweet!
Corky


*disclaimer* Contrary to this post's title, my kid's meal cup was indeed full. But it only contained about half as much drink as a human might like to consume.

Fun or Funky

Family lore attributes my nickname to my big brother. He was almost four when I was born and couldn't properly pronounce Courtney. 


Corky's always been a name I've enjoyed. Unusual. Fun. Friends say it suits my personality.


But at some point, and I'm not sure when, I morphed physically to match my moniker like a dog begins to favor its owner (or is that backwards?). My figure is now as distinctively cylindrical as a cork yanked from a wine bottle.

I suppose the time is near to address my current corky-ness with diet and exercise.

: /

Corky

Black and White

Lara Croft said in one of the Tomb Raider movies that life is all about balance. Black and white. Yen and yang. Hot and cold. Male and female. Fast and slow. (Alright. I wasn't paying real close attention to the examples she gave, but they were something like that.) 

Today I'm looking for balance in a password I can type without too much trouble (at least 7 characters, one being a numeral) yet not easily decipherable. Even by Lara Croft, Tomb Raider.

Simple and misleading,
Corky

Squeaky Wheel

Turns out that old adage 'the squeaky wheel gets the grease' is true.

I had the loudest, wobbliest cart ever at Walmart yesterday. People were diving out of my way as I scraped, rumbled and clicked through the store. I easily clocked my fastest in-and-out time (without sneaking through the oil changing station) on record. Easily.

Then as I was leaving, I heaved the buggy back to the greeter. He said, "Oh my. We need to get some grease on that thing!"

See?

Corky

A is for Adultress

I finished listening to the Scarlet Letter. I thought it would be real clever if I wrote my review in an entirely Alliterative style. I stalled out with 'a', 'and' and words that start with 'ass' like assignment.


Lucky for us both, I have a dictionary.

Aback
Abandonment
Abash
Abate
Abhorrent
Abide
Abject
Abominable
Absurd
Accomplice
Accouterment
Accuse
Acquiesce
Acquisition
Adamant
Addle
Alternativelifestyle
Arduous
Asinine
Astonish




I assume those words could be aligned in a more logical arrangement but I've already spent more time on this than I alloted.


My annotated review...I suppose the lesson in this book is times change but human nature doesn't.


Adios,
Corky

Universal Smite

The whole concept of the ~ Universe ~ is one of my greatest conundrums.


Clarity might be within my grasp if I took time to look for it. Instead, I bide my time wondering if I've done something to inadvertently cause myself more trouble. 


For example, this morning on my way to work, I dropped two cards in the mail. One was a condolence note to my cousin who recently lost of her father. The other was a congratulatory note to an out-of-town friend who received a promotion.


Minutes after I pulled away from the mailbox, 'Big Lie Small World' played on my iPod. It's a Sting song about writing a letter, having second thoughts about mailing it then the travails of trying to get the letter back. 


Very upbeat, Bossa Nova type song.


As I was singing along I began to feel a sense of doom, just like Sting. I've been wondering all afternoon if the Universe played that song to warn me that I had put the wrong notes in the wrong envelopes.


Hoping two rights don't make a wrong,
Corky

Faulty Equipment

http://www.cdc.gov/healthyweight/assessing/bmi/adult_bmi/english_bmi_calculator/bmi_calculator.html


I think this is broken. 


Not the link. The BMI (body mass index) calculator at the Center for Disease Control and Prevention that's on the other end of the link.


The dumb thing thinks I'm overweight. Doesn't it realize I just finished a 5K without passing out, throwing up or cussing at my companion?


Aye carumba!
Corky

5K Results

Blame it on the threat of rain, our lousy attitudes or the over-carb-loading from the night before ~ Charlotte and I arrived a little late for the starting gun of our second annual 5K. 

The good people of the race were crowding uphill at a decent pace as we signed in. Then we had to say hello to the organizers and chat a bit about weather. It was only when we saw a family with 4 kids hurrying to participate that we started walking.

Here we are about 1/3 of the way through. Note the lack of side streets where one might park an extra vehicle.

This would have been the best place to cut through back to the house. We determined it would be simpler to keep heading to the car. At some point about here, we thought it would be a good time to tweet our progress. But neither of us have a Twitter account or the technical savvy to have made that happen.

This is the second to the last hill. The overcast skies kept the temperature fine and the air breezy. We passed that kid in the yellow shirt, his dad and his little brother. As well as that kid sitting on the curb.

We crossed the finish line in a hybrid walk/jog (would that be a lope?) that crushed the hopes of three young men who were running to pass us. In all we finished ahead of 25 kids (smashing our goal of six), 3 dogs and a couple of older ladies with purses. 

Rah!

Corky

Training for a 5K ~ Day 2

The event is set to start at 9 tomorrow morning.

Since we didn't have time to follow a 6-week, professionally designed 5K training course, Charlotte and I spent minutes developing this three-prong approach to the race:

1) carb loading tonight


2) moisture wicking socks tomorrow

3) a car parked strategically along the 5K route


The plan seems solid. Charlotte is researching to see which has more carbs, Fettuccine Alfredo or Bourbon & Coke.

go...
Corky

Training for a 5K ~ Day 1

4,080,000 = Google results for 'training 5K beginner'


0 = two-day programs


Alright. I didn't read all 4 million websites but of the few I perused, 6 weeks was the shortest available training schedule. I have 2 days. Seems like there'd be a gazillion 2-day programs since that's got to be close to the average amount of time people training for a 5K stay committed.


Disappointment (or is it relief) aside, I see now why the obtainable goal advice is so important. My goal of finishing ahead of six kids is achievable even without rigorous training or any sort of dedication at all. 


Get set!
Corky

Training for a 5K

Last November, I participated in my first ever 5K race. 


The event benefited the library at our neighborhood elementary school. It was the first annual and something like 100 people showed up to walk, run and bike. I'm not sure how many books the event bought but I'm guessing more than a few. Charlotte and I finished, a little out of breath and just ahead of a mom with a double stroller that another of her children was pushing. 


As good as it felt to boost the self-esteem of all the little children who beat us, we made a handshake deal that we'd do better this year.


I've done a little research on training for a 5K race and discovered the first step is setting realistic, quantifiable and obtainable goals. So my goal is to outpace at least twice as many kids as I did last time.


On your mark!
Corky

Passive Aggressive Behavior

A friend (yet another Lori) was complaining about her mother-in-law's passive aggressive tendencies. I listened with real interest as Lori told me of unwell-meaning gifts and supposedly misunderstood barbs that had been delivered with a smile. I was impressed she'd picked up the signs and signals most people would have missed.


Which gave me an idea.


Does anyone know how I can change Doolittle's cell phone ringtone to a Mary Poppins song?


Spoon full of sugar,
Corky


FYI > Doolittle is my ex-husband.

Romance Implied

I've been listening to The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne as I drive around in my car. 


Slow, was I, to grow accustom to the "thou's" and "henceforth's" in the rhetoric. But alas, the tale is compelling thus I forage forth. I hope I'm not giving too much away when I tell you it's not as racy or provocative as I thought/hoped it would be since the book takes place after the alleged, scandalous acts. So far the only kissing has been when Hester Prynne's elf-like daughter Pearl gently brushes her lips across the pale minister's brow. Pearl's like 3.


During a break from the book on CD, I switched over to the radio just in time to hear an ad for Trojan condoms. I had no idea prophylactic companies could advertise on the public airways. Did you? The writing's very funny and overflowing with innuendo. 


What does it say about me to prefer a 30-second spot that insist I "wrap it up!" over an oft imitated classic?


Love,
Corky

Hail to Heels

Can someone tell me when they quit packaging bread with the heel?


I just noticed it today. Rows and rows of bread with the soft insides showing through logo stamped plastic. I suppose it is a clever marketing ploy. The yummy insides do look better than the crust. 


Loaves were already getting smaller. I guess the bakeries are figuring what's another 3/8 inch of breadloss?


Pass the peanut butter,
Corky

Honking

Did you know a Texas driver is less likely to honk at the driver in front of them when a light changes than drivers from most other states?


Of course you noticed that ages ago.


But some researchers got some grant money, traveled around missing green lights just to test the hypothesis. They scientifically proved that people around here will cut you a little slack if you're slow off the line. (Another reason I couldn't live anywhere else.) 


Every time I hear a report of this nature on TV or the radio, it puzzles me. How do these scientists get grant money to conduct the same dumb 'experiments' my friends and I performed for free in college?


Beep beep,
Corky

Stood Up

I don't know if I should be flattered or pissed that I have friends who feel like they can cancel on me at the last minute. Here's an argument for each side...

Flattered: I'm seen as easy-going, dependable and loyal (like a basset hound).

Pissed: I don't like to plan and I especially don't like to plan twice.


Please vote in my 'Flattered or Pissed' poll, appearing for a while in the left-hand column. And, as always, your comments are not simply encouraged, they're anticipated with baited breath (maybe I should say 'doggie breath' to compliment the basset hound reference). 


Scrabbling for Plan B,
Corky

Jumbled Lyrics

Have you ever been listening to a song you've heard a million time and realize you'd been singing the wrong words?

It's not like a lot of people hear me singing in my shower or my car but I was a little embarrassed today to realize that old Who song is really 'Eminence Front'. Not 'Living in a Swamp'. (Pete Townshend looks a like Nicolas Cage, doesn't he?)

Thanks to the internet, I find I'm not alone. KissThisGuy.com (named after the Jimi Hendrix misheard "kiss the sky" in 'Purple Haze') is a treasure trove of screwed up lyrics for almost any song. For example, others like me admitted to hearing "living in a swamp" as well as "M&Ms are fun" and "lemon in front".

Come and join our party (I did get that part right, Pete),

Corky

100% Chance of Rain

Hurray! The outer bands of Tropical Storm Hermine have reached the Texas Hill Country!


We've got something like a 100% chance of rain for the next few days. Right now, there's a gentle shower lovingly watering our lawns and streets. The perfect precipitation for our crazy dry soil that will hopefully be enough to lift our water restrictions. (We'll worry about the flash flood watches and wind advisories later, if we must). 


I only wish I'd known we were expecting rain before I flat-ironed my hair.


Ain't no sunshine,
Corky

Labor(free) Day

I have today off work. For Labor Day. Am I engaging in some productive labor intensive activity? No. But it did occur to me that I should be cleaning out my storage unit.


The stacks in there reach the corrugated ceiling toward the front and threaten anyone who opens the door. A footprint wide path leads to the dark recess beyond. Unfortunately, the rest of me is not footprint wide so I haven't broached the gap in a very long time. 


Instead of getting out there and cleaning, I've been trying to come up with other, better options. Here's my top two...


1) see if I can get cast on a "Clean House" episode


2) quit paying rent then shop the sale when the storage people sell it off


What do ya think?
Corky

Fun Allotment

This has been a fantastic weekend!

Salud, Texas Hill Country Sunset!

< Pictured, me and Lori toasting a spectacular sunset after the First Friday Wine Share out at the Point (wine glasses embellished exclusively for the event).


Lori's is the marvelous bedazzled one. 


Mine is the clunky votive-holder looking one on the left. It weighed close to 40 pounds which made sipping 'Bitch Bubbly' and 'Girls-are-meaner' a little tricky. But I persisted. And even though I used the wrong glue and the adornments popped off, I did not lose a single marble!


That I noticed. Until Saturday. 


Headache and all, I got up extremely early to go to Wimberley Market Days to meet up with my darling, college friend Amber and her friend Lori (no relation to previously mentioned Lori). I'm not sure what happened but I didn't hit the road until almost 10:00. And I forgot my camera. So please imagine us having great fun arranging then rearranging Amber's booth, laughing and eating tamales, Italian food and chocolate cake.


This has been (by far) the busiest, best weekend I've had in ages. Woo hoo! However, in celebration Laborers everywhere, I find myself with an extra day of weekend. I'm almost certain I've cashed in my entire allotment of fun for the weekend. What am I suppose to do tomorrow?


Ta,
Corky

How to Entertain the Hawaiian Way

My mom collects cookbooks.

I recently bought her this one at an estate sale. It's from the 1950s and I paid the full cover price of ONE DOLLAR. 

My mom's worth it : ) 


She'll find everything she needs to know, right here, to entertain the Hawaiian way. 

> The Luau Then and Now 
> It's Fun to Speak Hawaiian 
> Toasts 
> The Flower Lei
> What to Wear (that's a muumuu for her and a lava lava for my dad)
> Grill and Beach Parties
> Racial Medley Menus




Plus there are 31 hand-typed pages of recipes! Here's a standout... 

Doesn't that sound nasty? Not even sure it'd be alright after a Hawaiian Mint Freeze or a Moana Banyan Tree Punch. But do let me know if you try it!


Aloha!
Corky

Car Wash

My car is filthy. 


The summer has been so dry and dusty that my car has this permanent, white film inside and out. Then there's the dog nose prints on the windows. And the debris my son leaves scattered and tucked away throughout.


My brother, Finn, (and then my ex-husband, Doolittle) always kept my car clean. I suppose I thought genetically it would be something my teenage son would take on. Sadly, that's not how it's turning out. You know, it's not that I can't do it myself. I just don't want to. What I need is to find a man who thinks washing a car is the ideal first date. 


Wax on, wax off!
Corky