In the Dark

There were only three things on my list for Walmart but each thing involved choices. Is 96 brightness really that much better than 92? You know what I mean.


Just as I walked that void between merchandise and cash registers, the power went out. Only the skylights and the blinking third-party displays were giving out illumination.


Somehow four cashiers stayed online. They herded everyone in the store into those four lines. I was standing there a good 15 minutes with my three items when I realized the Christmas music was still playing. 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town' and I think Elvis was wasted.


You better watch out,
Corky

Other's Misfortunes

Similar to accidents, conundrums are funnier if they happen to someone else. That's why I'd like to share Lori's latest pickle.


She bought a new iron. 


A fancy, newfangled one with a built-in cut-off switch. Now Lori's complaining because she'll plug it in to heat up, go do other things then come back and start ironing her jeans with a cool iron. 


Of course, the solution here is obvious. Quit ironing your jeans, Lori.


Glad to help,
Corky

Lack of Sleep

I haven't been getting my recommended 6 to 8 hours of sleep a night and I'm thinking it might be showing in my daytime performance.


Just today my kid, Dylan, tricked me out of ten bucks by asking who's picture is on the $10 bill. I handed him the cash and before I realized it, he disappeared. Hmmm. Maybe I should get a nap while he's out.


Zzzzz,
Corky

Down 25%

I heard somewhere that people who keep a food journal lose 25% more weight. I'm not sure how that works but here goes...


Breakfast: Sausage, egg and cheese breakfast taco with 2% milk


Snack: Dr Pepper and a brownie


Lunch: Sausage pizza slice and a Dr Pepper


Snack: 2 bites of a Snickers


Dinner: Some of Aunt Susie's leftover sausage balls from Thanksgiving and a Coke


I'm going to go weigh in now. 


Wish me luck!
Corky

Counting My Blessings

Happy Thanksgiving!


Today I'm thankful for a number of things. Scoring two Dr Peppers when I was expecting one. Eating without cooking. Spending quality time with my family (and not Doolittle's).


But at this very moment, I'm most thankful for internet access. I've been without it for a couple days and I'm a little surprised by how much I missed it.


Gobble gobble,
Corky 

Check the Manual

I don't know much about fixing cars. But I do know a little about mechanics. 


When their legs are sticking out from under a pick-up truck, their knees should point up so they can successfully fiddle with the underneath of the vehicle. Now and then, the knees might angle to the side. But generally feet are flat on the ground, knees are at a 45 degree angle and eyes are upward. Practical and universal.


Today I saw a man doing it all wrong. He was laying face down under his truck. I can only assume he was new to auto repair.


Vroom,
Corky

Disclaimer ~ He didn't look run over so I did not feel obligated to stop and render aide.

Isn't It Ironic?

I was singing along with Alanis Morissette's song Ironic when suddenly I said to myself, "Hey,wait a minute! 'A black fly in your Chardonnay' is not ironic". 


Nasty, yes. Ironic, no.


Turns out I'm not the only one who's made this observation. Some guy not only stopped to ponder such a thing, he also wrote this post...


http://fgk.hanau.net/articles/ironic.html


Ironic? No. None of it. But still a waste of wine.


Irony lost,
Corky


P. S. I think the real lesson here is, don't call something ironic unless your listener knows less about the language than you.

Call to Action

I think it's great that people care enough to start organizations to help God's less fortunate creatures. 


The SPCA and ACLU come to mind.


What I want to know is, why hasn't anyone formed a collation to support persons who misplace their glasses? I can't think of any crueler trick of nature than needing spectacles to find your spectacles. Something really needs to be done.


Squinting and distraught,
Corky

The Perfect Food

Cupcakes may be the perfect food. 


They've got it all. Cuteness. Yummyness. Single serving size engineered for ideal icing to cake ratio.


So why would anyone want a giant cupcake?


Sprinkles and red hots,
Corky

Girl with the Lizard Tattoo

This is a funny video from an SNL skit.


It's one of their fake ads for a lower back tattoo remover. Amy Poehler is perfect.


I saw a woman today who may well be a candidate for just such a product. I didn't see a tramp stamp (thank goodness) but she did wear a shirt that revealed an enormous amount of cleavage. I know. I shouldn't jump to conclusions and normally I wouldn't. Or maybe I would. But I probably wouldn't have given her another thought if she hadn't had a tattoo of a lizard struggling to free its self from between her breasts.


I can't unsee that.


Looking into lizard rights,
Corky

Hey, Hey, Hey

I'm wondering why a gray-haired man would wear a Fat Albert shirt in public. 


Not the big red one Fat Albert wore in the cartoon. Or the movie. It was a big black one with the characters scattered all over. And troubling enough to give me pause.


I tried to take a picture of him with my phone but it's not easy taking pictures of people with a phone. Maybe I'm more obvious than some since I stand there grumbling and griping, jabbing at my phone wondering if I've even got the camera turned on. 


You'll just have to take my word, it just wasn't good.


Not paparazzi,
Corky

Pointing Out the Obvious

Have you ever been totally engrossed in one thing only to have something else entirely catch your eye? 


If you recognize the CLEAN SACK*, then you know what it's for.

Right there at the bottom, in small print, it reads 'Single Patient Use'.


Really?
Corky


* Clean CLEAN SACK shown.

Drawing

I had an art teacher in college who was from upstate New York. He pronounced drawing 'drawling'. It still bugs me.


Which has nothing to do with today's post.


A few new people have signed up to be followers. Thanks and welcome! Odds of winning the fabulous WiNe SLiNg are now 37 : 1.


You may have noticed my posting have been, well, not. I've had conundrums of the most unpleasant sort arise and I've been trying to decide what to do about my blog. I think I'll keep posting but it may not be daily.


If you'd like an email when I post, please sign up for my email list (there in the left column). As a bonus you'll be entered in my drawing (not drawling) if you sign up before December 10, 2010 at 10:10 a.m.


Regards,
Corky

Diet Coke

The weather has been so fabulous! 


To celebrate, I stopped by Sonic with my kid to get a slush. He likes cherry watermelon (: / and I always get grape : ). This is off subject but don't you miss the tiny giraffes they use to put on the rim of your cup? I know I do.


Anyway. The lady in the car next to us ordered a footlong chili cheese coney, tater tots and a Diet Coke. Dylan laughed. He had never heard of anyone blowing that many calories on food then trying to make up for it with a diet drink. I told him about my college friend who had a donut and a Diet Dr Pepper every morning. Do you have your own outrageous combination you'd like to share?


Saccharin free,
Corky

Fall Back

My dad gave me an atomic clock a few Christmases ago. 


I love how it knows automatically when to change the time. Don't remember to fall back or spring forward? No problem. The clock knows. This, I think, is a very good use of technology.


Only problem with my atomic clock is I got it about six months before whoever is in charge of changing the time, decided to change when to change the time. So, thanks to the time-changing-jackasses, my clock is two weeks off. That's right. I've been having to do math first thing in the morning. Hate that. What's worse is I didn't realize yesterday was the day to switch back to Standard Time so I was an hour early for work!


Time is on my side,
Corky

Expiration Date

Lori is collecting those little Box Tops for Education for a friend's kid in Houston. The school will get 10 cents for every one that gets sent in. And this particular kid's class is having a contest to see who can collect the most.


I was trying to do my part.


Right there on the top of a box of Hamburger Helper (made with whole grain noodles, of course) was a Box Top. I ripped it off. A closer look provoked a smile when I saw the expiration date. 6 - 3 - 13. June 3rd is my birthday : ) June 3, 2013 will be my 50th birthday.


Sorry kid in Houston. That Box Top went in the trash.


Dime's in the mail,
Corky

Deodorant Stripe

It's understandable how a tween could get those deodorant stripes on their shirts. They're new to the deodorant scene and skills must be mastered. 


What I can't figure out is why it's still happening to me.


Smells like Teen Spirit,
Corky




>>> Welcome Pam and Katherine to the World of Corky Followers! Your names have been added to the drawing for the WiNe SLiNg! <<<

Speed Limit

I'm thinking Mother Nature's trying to get me in trouble with the law.


Not today, sister!
Corky

Follow to Win

Did you know you can become a Follower of my blog? 


Yes. You too can be part of the elite group of people who have clicked 'Follow' there in the left hand column. Here are the benefits to followership...




I know that's not much so I'm adding a perk. 

Champagne
not included
because I
already drank it.

Become a follower (public option ~ sorry I can't enter you in the drawing if you choose private because no name pops up) and your name will be added to my drawing for 


< < < this FaBuLouS hand-crocheted wine bottle sling! 


But wait! There's more. 


You can also enter the drawing by adding your name to my email list. Click here or over there in the box that says 'Email Updates'.


Don't like your chances of winning with just 2 entries? For every friend you get to follow Conundrums and/or join the email list you'll get another entry (or two if they follow and sign up for the email list). Be sure to have your friend mention your name so I can keep this all straight.


Chances of winning are far better if you play!*
Corky

* Right now the odds of winning is 29:1.


Open to U S residents only.


Drawing will be held December 10, 2010 at 10:10 a.m. CST.

Sticky Karma

I first learned about karma in 3rd grade.


My friend Kerrie spit her gum on the ground. Her mother told her, "Pick that up right now! or you'll be stepping in someone else's gum later." 


Later that same day, I helped Kerrie scrape my old gum off her new sandal.


Oooom,
Corky