Rednecks and Red Fish

Oops. Did anyone besides Lori notice I only posted a title?


What I meant to do was come up a clever segue between the Rocket City Rednecks show I was watching and the big reveal of the red fish winning the 'Fish In Poll'. Reckon I got more interested in the moonshine powered rocket than the damn imaginary fish.


ta da!
Corky

Lift Kit

Wish you could've seen this pick-up.

It's an amazing beater. Really. I slowed to 52 mph on the interstate so I could take a picture with my dumb phone. This custom Ford is chock full of special touches like the coon hunting lights across the top, those big ol' exhaust pipes and the little cutout of a cowboy right in the middle. Do I even need to mention the lift kit? I think not.


While I was trying to snap this photo, a man in a black Lexus pulled up right behind me. He was riding my bumper and swerving back and forth like he was stuck behind a pace car. Knowing he was there and in a hurry, of course, made me drive slower.


Once I got my picture I eased back up to the speed limit. About the time he could pass me, the road opened up a third lane and he screamed in behind a police cruiser.


Up and over,
Corky

Dieting Milestone

Earlier today I had a hankering for chicken flautas with sour cream and queso.* Sure, I reasoned there were better lunch choices available. That I could eat a salad for the fourth day in a row. That skipping deep-fried, chip, chicken and cheese, fat saturated yummyness would have a lesser pay-off on the scales tomorrow than a pile of grass clippings with bleh-bleh vinaigrette.


(Wanting Mexican food instead of vegetables was not the dieting milestone.)


Instead of feeling guilty about eating what I wanted, I decided to embrace my bad choice. To enjoy a caloric splurge. To be thankful that the world hasn't changed all that much in the last few days while I was trapped in my kitchen trying to figure out what I could substitute for celery. 

Besides, what's the worst that could happen?


Skipped the Coke,
Corky

* Not specifically restricted on the High School Reunion Diet.  

Fall Allergies

Everywhere I go, everyone around me has been sneezing and sniffling, feeling bleh and blaming it on their allergies.


Which has me thinking that I have developed an allergy too. No sneezing or sniffling, yet. But I do feel lousy and adding vegetables to my diet is the only change I've made lately.


Needing a nap,
Corky

Green Eggs and (no) Ham

Here it is. Another week.

You may be expecting me to come up with some excuse for not starting my weight loss plan on this fine Monday. Well. Hate to disappoint ya. But I had eggs scrambled with spinach for breakfast (the green eggs weren't as bad as I expected ~ really thought I'd gag more than twice), didn't drink a Dr Pepper all day and even speedshopped Wal-mart.

There's only 19 days left until our high school reunion so I'll only be able to lose 13.4 years instead of the 20 years in 30 days the book advertised. But I'm okay with that. 

I do not like green eggs and (no) ham,

Corky-I-am


So tomorrow I'm trying Beauty in a Blender.

Bootie Call

I got a 2 o'clock phone call last night. 


Naturally, I was dead asleep.


First thought was Dylan (my kid) was in trouble. I grabbed the phone, saw Doolittle's number instead and hit silence. The third time he called, I answered with a 'I'm not having sex with you' and hung up.


Ten minutes later he was banging on my door. I was thinking 'Doolittle wants me bad'. And I'll admit, I took a second to rub toothpaste on my tongue and tousle my hair just a little before I opened the door. 


Turns out, when the tattoo artist asked for my number, I mistakenly gave him Doolittle's : ) 


Oops,
Corky

Honing Your Craft

Yesterday I had a sandwich at that little lunch spot near Five Points. The young man who prepared my order was quite cute. And a bit flirty. And by that I mean he gave me an extra thick sandwich.


About 10 minutes after I sat down to eat, he took a break from running the counter and asked to join me. I was flattered and immediately choked on a piece of ice to prove it. He offered to smack me on the back. I shook my head, caught my breath then said, 'no thanks' and 'please have a seat.'


He was nice. Asked all about me. Where I live. What I do for a living. His eyes were gray-blue and I really enjoyed his rapt attention. I answered his questions as seductively as I could with my mouth full. He took my hand away from my sandwich and caressed it (my skin, not my sandwich). Did I mention his left arm was covered completely in tattoos? They ran from his shirt sleeve to his fingernails. I'm usually not a big fan of many tattoos but these gave him a rugged bad-boy/artist vibe. The tats were unusual in style and varied in legibility. Turns out he's teaching himself the art of tattooing. And he's running out of his own skin to ink.


You already know I'm easing my way back into dating so please help me out here. In the current dating climate, would letting a man tattoo you on the first date mean you're easy?


Like a virgin,
Corky

Don't Try This

Of all the ways to meet your maker, this may be one of the most embarrassing.

Tilting a Coke machine until it crushes you. 

I suppose since saber-tooth tigers are extinct and sanitation practices have improved, the natural selection process has had to modernize.

Oh nooooooo...

Corky

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Gift in the Mail

I choose to call this a blessing. I choose to be thankful that I received a maxi-pad/mini-pad combo sample pack in the mail instead of an AARP membership card.


Yours Always,
Corky

Best Comments on a Conundrums Post

I have some really funny friends.

Best Comments on a Conundrums Post (tie)

Pasta Art

Inside Out

What a shocker ~ both these entries have sexual implications.

Please feel free to comment on my blog posts. Guess I should say here that I have a strict policy to delete any remarks that are misleading, cruel or I don't like them. So far I haven't removed any.

Art Out,

Corky

Part I ~ Most Hit Conundrums Post

Part II ~ My Favorite Conundrums Post

My Favorite Conundrums Post

Is it bad that I make myself laugh?

My Favorite Conundrums Post

Stop and Render Aid

Drop and give me 20! hee hee. Do you have a favorite?

Ciao for now,

Corky

Part I ~ Most Hit Conundrums Post

Part III ~ Best Comments on a Conundrums Post

Most Hit Conundrums Post

I can't wait for the new episodes of Modern Family to start. 


As a homage to the summer's reruns I offer you this 3-part series of my own reposts.

Conundrums Post with the Most Hits

Grizzly Adams

Amazingly enough this post has had thousands of hits from 52 different countries and 43 states. Google, in all its wisdom, sends searchers to my page when they look for an image of Grizzly Adams. Crazy! I know.


Too kitschy to rerun,
Corky


Part II ~ My Favorite Conundrums Post
Part III ~ Best Comments on a Conundrums Post

Time Flies

I can't believe tomorrow marks 30 days until our 30 year high school reunion.


Doesn't seem right. Not so much that it's been 30 years ~ let's face it ~ a lot of water has passed under the bridge and 30 years is a reasonable time span for all that crap to happen. 


It's the 30 days part that troubles me. I haven't even finished reading the book.


Daylights awastin',
Corky

Workplace Gossip

When all forms of talking behind someone's back are considered, workplace gossip is probably the worst. Wouldn't you agree?


Since I work alone, this usually isn't a problem.


Nonetheless. The truth in this quote made me laugh...

'Gossip is when you hear something you like about someone you don't.'

~ Jane Seabrook

Rumors R Us,
Corky

Preservatives and Sugar

I've been reading The High School Reunion Diet: Lose 20 Years in 30 Days. 


Not even 50 pages into it, the author (a dermatologist and doctor of internal medicine) called soda a 'known drug pusher' AND he shot down my carefully rationalized maxim that the preservatives and sugar in Dr Pepper keep me looking younger. Yea. He says 'besides sun, sugars are the main things that make us look old' p 41. Quack : ) Another dream of starting an urban legend fizzles in the glare of facts.


I checked the sugar on the back of my DP bottle. 64 grams in 20 ounces. That translates to 16 teaspoons of sugar. Dang.


Ignorance was bliss,
Corky

Do You Feed the Fish? Poll Results

I'm going to pretend turnout was so low on my 'Do You Feed the Fish?' poll because it's an off-year election year and not because I surround myself with people who don't like fish. 


Here are the results of the fishing poll...


Yes = 12
No = 0
Huh? = 1


The number may be skewed since I suspect more of you than just Lori read the poll, had an a-ha moment then clicked on the fish tank to discover you could feed the fish. That's alright. This blog is all about solving conundrums and learning new things.


Your chum,
Corky

Now help me decide what color fish I should add to the tank. Please.

The High School Reunion Diet

Have I mentioned I have a class reunion coming up?


I can hear the collective 'Oh! That explains the recurring dieting talk.'


Yes. In 36 days, the class of 1981 will be celebrating 30 years of real world experiences, dreams that took detours and, of course, we'll have to rehash shared high school experiences. Then we'll talk too much about our pets, children and/or grandchildren, brag (or complain) about our jobs and some idiots may even bring up their medical woes. Before we know it, someone will drink just enough to think they can dance like Michael Jackson. All spouses but one will finally have something to smile about.


Good times are definitely on the horizon. 


*sigh* If only I could look 20 years younger in 36 days or less. 


Wait a second. What's this?



Celebration!
Corky






Hey Lori ~ did you see the little black dress I'll be wearing to the party? That's it. Right there on the book jacket. Yep.

Take-Out Wisdom

Is this the dumbest fortune ever placed in a cookie or what?

Or maybe I'm the dumb one. My first read through I thought it was misplaced commentary on the military's 'Don't ask, don't tell' policy.


Silent lies,
Corky

Happy Labor Day!

My most memorable Labor Day was years ago when Doolittle and I happened to be in St Louis. 


Our touristy trek to the Arch was delayed by a parade ~ partly because our intended path was blocked, mostly because a parade is a welcomed delay if you're not in a hurry and/or they're throwing candy. We were amazed by how many people were marching in that parade and we, being from Texas, waved at everyone that walked by. 


After about 45 minutes of watching and waving Doolittle got tired of the festivities so we snaked our way through the Animal Control workers until we reached the other side of the street. 


Doolittle pondered, as we walked hand in hand toward the river, 'what the hell's with all the damn unions in that parade?'


Laboriously yours,
Corky 

Heads You Lose

I started reading Heads You Lose and look at what I found on page 12...

Sorry. If I owned decent circling-things-in-red software 'conundrums' would be much easier to spot.


Anyway. I'm enjoying the book so far. 


Pot growing siblings have found a headless body in their yard and a compelling murder mystery has begun to unravel. 


Yet even more amusing is the authors' choice of format. Odd chapters are written by Lisa Lutz; evens by David Hayward. The two dated at some point and the hostility between them is playfully displayed in the notes they write each other at the end of every chapter and in the spiteful ways they sabotage the other's plot twists or suggestions.


Heads I read Chapter 9. Tails I go to sleep.


Anyone got a quarter?
Corky

GPS Hates Me

I should have suspected something was up when the GPS lady asked me to turn onto a dirt road.










Really?
Corky

Armed with Aquafina

I realize it's been a little bit since I reported on my fitness crusade so ~ as you may remember I banished Dr Pepper from my day. Then one week later I began morning walks (I almost said morning marches because it sounds more crusade-ish but marching is a hard sell ~ dragging, stumbling or limping, much simpler).

The DP-free lifestyle only lasted two weeks. I went on a stress-induced binge and haven't turned back. Maybe this weekend I'll buy more Excedrin and lipgloss to try again next Monday. Maybe. 

Oh. But it's a holiday weekend and stores will be crowded. Hmmmm.

Bad habit failure aside, I have stuck to walking. At least twice a week I've been out there perusing the neighborhood. I'm so dedicated I didn't let the fact that we have a creep lurking our hood deter me. Thought it might even be good for my self-esteem.

The Cujo-lab mix that charged me this morning is a whole other story.

Thank goodness for water bottles,

Corky

BTW ~ If you haven't clicked 'yes' or 'no' on my 'Do you feed the fish?' poll (there on the left), please do so right now! I'd like to think I have more than 6 readers (one of those 7 yeses is me).